Trust Your Struggle

I am finding this whole adventure hard at the moment, I think it is in part due to self sabotaging, I keep putting off booking a flight back to Melbourne to see the awesome support team at the New Me and a very inspiring guest there for no valid reason aside from that I do not feel ready.  In my mind I want to be strong and fit before going back but I know I need a fix of their support before I get to that.

My trainer every couple of days asks me if I have booked my flights, it is strange how he knows it is a road block for me without me ever discussing it. I think he believes if he harrasses me enough I'll give in and just do it (he is probably right).

I started this whole adventure because I realised that waiting to win Lotto was pointless and just a dream. Reality is that I can control my weight and my attitude by taking control. I have done that, and I know I am being successful. My loss for last fortnight was 3.4kgs, while not earth shattering it is still a great loss and brings my total since 3rd Feb to 26.4kgs (10 weeks).  I feel good and I know I am over 25% of the way to my first goal which is under 100kgs. My 40 week plan is still on track and I have proven I have the strength to do it.

Why then do I constantly feel like I want to be naughty? I want to sleep in and not go to the gym, I want a cheese sausage, I want a slice of toast and I want a coffee (with full cream milk)! and I want it all now! I am still managing to fight this voice but it is non-stop and I don't understand it. Why do we want to sabotage ourselves even when we know that is exactly what we are doing? Logic has no place, it is just a battle of wills with yourself and you have to hope you have the tools to back the right you.

I want to be shrinking so fast my clothes hang off me, but they don't. They look better, and hang well but I have not shrunk enough yet. I don't think many people can relate to that, for most people losing 10kgs means at least a dress size. I believe for the morbidly obese losing 10kgs is like someone else losing 1kg. People are amazed I have lost 26 kgs the main outward sign though is from the face because it is like taking 1 trailer load of manure away from a tonne! Still 1 trailer load of shit to me feels amazing.

As previously warned I am enjoying motivational quotes, I have started making my own now relevant to my year, hopefully you enjoy them!

Thankfully I am winning at the moment and still controlling the controllables. If I can in 10 weeks get mighty close to the weight I was 5 years ago (150kgs) then I can put in 40 weeks and get might close to a weight I can't even imagine being.

My sister (in law) suggested I put 26kgs in a backpack and go for a walk, my nutritionist said think of it as 500g blocks of butter. Either way I am proud of the weight I have lost and how much fitter I am becoming. I must be patient.

For now, adios from Perth.

Kat