A Successful Year

My "small" year hasn't been what I planned but I am happy to say it has been a lot more.


I thought I would list out what makes me feel like I have "made it" this year.

1. Applied for and was granted my first mortgage. My house is totally mine and I get to stamp it however I like, Granted, the bank owns most of it but suddenly I am overcome with a sense of pride with my little patch of earth.
2. Gave up the worst of my habits. I have many bad habits but I have to say that smoking was the most antisocial of them all. I have been 11 months without a cigarette now and I am pleased to say I will never go back to it.
3. Brought my first brand "new" car. It is a 2014, I saved a bunch of money as it was 2nd hand and it has a roof rack and towball. Admittedly I managed to damage it within a week of owning it, but it is still mine and it is shiny, capable and useful.
4. Lost a lot of weight and learnt to think differently about food, exercise and mental health. I have put most of this weight back on, but my mind has changed and this years learning will help me not only battle this mountain but conquer it. 
5. Learnt how to rewire a trailer plug using only Youtube and Google.
6. Within a month of moving in to my new house I am told "You are a bit strange" by the neighbour across the road.
7. Found a firepit (old concrete well liner) on the side of the road and wheeled it back to my place (With the neighbour from above watching).
8. Discovered paving poorly is not hard at all, next year I plan to discover if paving well is hard.
9. Free mulch is awesome, 32 trailers worth of free mulch makes the neighbours start to comment. Thank you to mulchnet.net.au for the free mulch and thank you to John across the road for his regular commentary on how I am spreading it out and my skills with a wheelbarrow.
10. Made an awesome cake for my nephew to celebrate his 13th birthday. Can't believe how quickly 13 has come around and what an amazing young man he is.
11. Work took me out of my comfort zone this year yet again, challenging me in some brilliant ways that has given me another outlook on who I am and what I am capable of.
12. Took my nephew to see whales in the wild for the first time.
13. Assisted my mums 3 sisters, reading the eulogy at my grandmothers funeral  as my mum was stuck in bed and couldn't speak her part. Drove 11 hours on the same day so that my Dad and I could get back to be with her.
14. Learnt how much my body can do at #thenewmerising and how much the mind is the biggest inhibitor.
15. Made some good friends this year in unexpected places.
16. Opened my own restaurant twice! "Rice Rice Baby" and "The Blue Room".

So that's my year in short, I have missed a number of events but I think all in all it has been a big one!

Here is to hoping next year is as wesome and life changing.

Hi Kat

This letter is from myself to myself. Written in the last week of fat camp and I just got sent it this week. I am sharing as it is a reminder to me why I am doing this and how I felt when I was in the Dandenongs. Every day I face choices and I am not as strong about them as I was when I first left the New Me. I still am on the path though and am proud of that.  I also got my photos and will start posting some of them up, my first reaction to my photos was OMG I was so fat! Which I find hilarious as I knew that! Below the letter I have posted the starting point, the day I arrived at fat camp.

Hi Kat

I hope you have stuck to the plan and continue to lose weight. If not, get back to it right now!! You know how much you hate being fat and this year is about getting your life back.

I am putting in a list of reminders of why you hate being so fat so that you can focus on the change you need to do or keep doing it!

• You are unable to fly long haul due to the seat size (and it sucks doing short haul as you invade other peoples space).
• You make a habit of leaving for meetings early so you can get there in time.
• Your undies cost more than T-shirts for normal people!
• You have adapted your life to suit your mobility requirements.
• You have a bioage of 82 yet we both know in your mind you are still young
• There is a constant fear of falling in your life, even when crossing the road.
• You struggle to put your shoes on.
• It hurts when you get out of bed in the morning
• You have your own special chair at work
• You can't walk with other people
• You can't go to a concert if it is inside due to not fitting in the seat, or if you do.. remember TIm Minchin and how you got cosy to the person next to you.
• You live daily with the guilt of eating and drinking too much
• You hate the way that everyone owns your weight, including kids at shopping centre

Remember how good you felt in here after 7 hours of exercise. The warmth in your muscles, the feeling of being in the moment and the hysterical laughter? Just remember that when you don't feel like getting up in the morning or you struggle with the food. It may take slower than we both hope but you and I know that if you keep it up for 40 weeks you will be a damn sight closer than you are today. 

It should be about 12 weeks into your plan by now, by my maths that means around 25kgs. If you are there, you must be feeling different by now. 25kgs is a bag of potting mix!

Regardless of where you end up you have done things that you never thought you would, make sure you keep hunting hills and having breakthroughs (not break downs).

The fat will go eventually and life will be better. Stick with the food and continue creating fabulous dishes to share with the world.

*DANCE*

Keep moving, get the heart rate up whenever you can and as often as you can. Whether it is cleaning, gardening, walking or at the gym. Move!

Remember that I love you and so do many other people.

*ASK FOR HELP*

Be vulnerable, be brave, change your thinking. You are not alone but you alone can do this. Remember to ask for  hand up every time you fall.

*Why did I do that?*

Challenge your negative thoughts. They aren't real or truthful. They are only there to make you stronger. Make it a habit to think before every mouthful and make sure it is planned before you put it in your mouth.

*Do I want to stay fat?*

The answer will always be no, so just don't put anything in your mouth that you will regret.

40 weeks is only a little longer than a pregnancy. Stick with it and you will be rebirthed. Remember it took you 20 years to get this fat, a year to reverse it is a gift.

You're an amazing, strong, creative woman who deserves more.

Don't forget how you felt when your eyes were opened. Keep going.

Love Kat

Trust Your Struggle

I am finding this whole adventure hard at the moment, I think it is in part due to self sabotaging, I keep putting off booking a flight back to Melbourne to see the awesome support team at the New Me and a very inspiring guest there for no valid reason aside from that I do not feel ready.  In my mind I want to be strong and fit before going back but I know I need a fix of their support before I get to that.

My trainer every couple of days asks me if I have booked my flights, it is strange how he knows it is a road block for me without me ever discussing it. I think he believes if he harrasses me enough I'll give in and just do it (he is probably right).

I started this whole adventure because I realised that waiting to win Lotto was pointless and just a dream. Reality is that I can control my weight and my attitude by taking control. I have done that, and I know I am being successful. My loss for last fortnight was 3.4kgs, while not earth shattering it is still a great loss and brings my total since 3rd Feb to 26.4kgs (10 weeks).  I feel good and I know I am over 25% of the way to my first goal which is under 100kgs. My 40 week plan is still on track and I have proven I have the strength to do it.

Why then do I constantly feel like I want to be naughty? I want to sleep in and not go to the gym, I want a cheese sausage, I want a slice of toast and I want a coffee (with full cream milk)! and I want it all now! I am still managing to fight this voice but it is non-stop and I don't understand it. Why do we want to sabotage ourselves even when we know that is exactly what we are doing? Logic has no place, it is just a battle of wills with yourself and you have to hope you have the tools to back the right you.

I want to be shrinking so fast my clothes hang off me, but they don't. They look better, and hang well but I have not shrunk enough yet. I don't think many people can relate to that, for most people losing 10kgs means at least a dress size. I believe for the morbidly obese losing 10kgs is like someone else losing 1kg. People are amazed I have lost 26 kgs the main outward sign though is from the face because it is like taking 1 trailer load of manure away from a tonne! Still 1 trailer load of shit to me feels amazing.

As previously warned I am enjoying motivational quotes, I have started making my own now relevant to my year, hopefully you enjoy them!

Thankfully I am winning at the moment and still controlling the controllables. If I can in 10 weeks get mighty close to the weight I was 5 years ago (150kgs) then I can put in 40 weeks and get might close to a weight I can't even imagine being.

My sister (in law) suggested I put 26kgs in a backpack and go for a walk, my nutritionist said think of it as 500g blocks of butter. Either way I am proud of the weight I have lost and how much fitter I am becoming. I must be patient.

For now, adios from Perth.

Kat

Cant plan everything

So I planned last Friday night to have a few wine spritzers (yes, wine spritzers, don't judge me for being so trendy!) and I had it all planned out and counted the calories they would be.

Everything went according to plan until after 6 spritzers (560 calories) I decided a packet of cheezels (584 Calories) would be a good idea, and a curry puff (600 calories) . 

So all up I had nearly 2000 calories, not the end of the world and basically it reminded me I am not over the struggle yet. I got straight back on the plan though and have stuck to it since. My first home made inspirational quote below, and yes the gorgeous toes are mine.

Halfway through week 10 and to date just under 23kgs since the start of week one. I weigh in on Friday and while a bit nervous I think that I will still lose as I got straight back on the horse. I am still eating some fabulous meals and want to work towards creating more recipes to share with others. I am boring a thermomix in a week and so it will be interesting experimenting in that! 

While not exercising as much as my original plan I am still maintaining an active lifestyle. On the weekend I burnt nearly 2000 calories helping my parents in their garden, this was after being at the gym and working my legs in the morning. Every monday and wednesday I have my personal trainer, and I tend to fit a few other sessions in during the week.

Week 8

I need to work more fun activity into my life. I have found. A Kings Park kokoda walk which sounds awesome so am going to do that this week.

Food intake is good, still haven't broken and I am proud of that. The many mind tricks are working.

Living active.

Went to sculptures by the sea today. Beautiful day by the beach with wonderful friends. Picnic of steamed chicken done by my dad (thank you) and salad. I still haven't fallen off the food wagon but have not been to the gym since Friday. However my weekend has still been active with gardening and walking. It feels just generally better and I am moving so much more.

Interestingly I make different decisions now like stairs instead of ramp and to keep "doing".

I love it.

My family and friends are so wonderfully supportive as well I feel blessed.

Weigh in Friday and want to hit the gym heard this week. Pt session with Nathan 7am so for now good night.

Kat

Step by step

No gym this morning. I slept instead and I feel mostly better now.

I will make up for it tonight.

It's raining in Perth and a good day for self reflection. I am coming up to 2months on this adventure now. It is slowly beginning to feel like normal. I do have some concerns still due to the.muscle loss and the bowel behaviour but when you compare how I feel now to 2months ago there is no argument.

Averaging 3kgs a week so far gets me to my goal quicker but I am under no delusions that some fortnight's will be slow going.

The main focus is under 100 and I am confident this will happen this year. That will be a 80kg weight loss and then the next goal will to have lost 50% of myself and be under 90. The third will be to have lost 100kgs and from there we shall see.

I have never felt so positive about my ability to do this. It all comes down to the simple question that Adro suggested we ask when we struggle. "do I want to stay fat?"