About a girl

It's strange that in one of the most challenging places I have been to in my life, both physically and mentally that I can be experiencing such joy and laughter.  This place, the program, the support, the location and everything about it lends itself to someone really finding out about themselves and realizing they quite like who they are. The feeling of new friendships being formed is also a wonderful one and I can only hope they are long ones.

It helps that while the flavour of life that the other guests have experienced is different, the product is the same. Damaged people who wear their demons in the form of fat around their body. Visible for everyone they meet to pass judgement on, sometimes silently and sometimes loudly.

It is a unique experience for all of us to experience a judgement free zone. Well, not quite true, we all still size each other up (as humans do) but it is not about weight.

I wrote a letter to myself today to be delivered in 6 weeks. Our own choice to tell ourselves with brutal honesty what we think we will need to hear. Mine is to encourage me to keep going and remember how I felt in here. I listed out all the reasons I hate being fat, from not fitting in airline chairs to having to be aware of what time a meeting is so I can leave early to make sure I get their in time. Reminding myself of the many ways I have adjusted my life to fit in with my body that when I removed the blinds it is/was scary.

Then I went on to remind myself of the laughter and joy I have experienced in here. The feeling when I conquered 1000 steps, or when I stayed on the treadmill for 1 hr without stopping, or when one of my favorite people here inappropriately made me laugh so much I nearly pee'd myself.

I reminded myself that when I need help to ASK SOMEONE!

I also reminded myself to DANCE as I haven't done enough of that in my recent life.

On a side note I am going to add freestyle dancing with weights to any circuits I create and my new Personal Trainer will be aware of this and have to be on board or they will be fired.

Anyway, much love from a reflective Kat tonight.